HOLD ME WHEN I'M HERE.

It;s been a mighty long time since I've put emotions to words. Usually there's a journal for this. But when I saw my journal last night, for the first time in a long time, I've felt disgusted with myself. I find myself going through the same circles only with someone different this time. I have a habit of reading my old entries, seeing if I have changed. It seems that there's something about me that doesn't seem to change at all. Its not like I choose to be like this. I just choose to ignore it and not do anything about it. That's where disgust kicks in.
I got caught crying by my mother last night. A revelation perhaps. I was looking through pictures and I wondered. What if I lost them? Yeah, heartache. Or maybe it's just a good excuse to cry. An excuse to let out pent out emotions. The perks of staying at home with nothing to do but watch Japanese dramas and think. People by now would be thinking, go get a job. I know. I want to try something new but nothing seems to be working out. Jun would say that the rainbow is right ahead. And I would pretend to believe him.
I would say, get out more. Enjoy more of life before you have to conform to society, work and have a life that everyone else seems to have. I don't seem to know what I want. Well, I have quite alot of things planned out for the end of the year. I'm actually looking forward to October. Bangkok and Oktoberfest. I'm just mighty good at digressing.

I wrote two songs last night. It has been a really long time since I've wrote and everything seems to make me travel back to the past. I think it was him that make me bitter and cynical. Time to change, time to change. That is what I always say but never do. Saying is easy. Its always easy.